With You—Without You

Once again, I find myself in the same place

You were gone and I couldn’t feel

How could I have sent You away

How could I have spent so much time without You

Knowing how much we always connect

Knowing it’s You that keeps me in touch

You connect my mind, my body, my soul, and my spirit

Your power makes me want to live

With You, rejection no longer matters

Your acceptance makes me better

You make me feel

You give me a comforting place to heal

Without You I float in and out of Your space

Diving into the depths of a dark place

With You I soar

With You I reign

With You my confidence I regain

I can never live without You

In my life You will always exist

In those moments when I step away

You nudge me and I begin to pray

You permeate my mind, my body, my soul, and my spirit

Your omnipotent presence increasing my faith

And once again...I rejoice

Christmas...

Sometimes when I think about it

I start to feel sad

Then I remember

"Christmas is Jesus"

That thought makes my heart smile

Then I start to feel glad

Confessions of A Believer

I believe that Jesus is the Son of God

I believe the Father the Son and the Holy Spirit are one

I believe the inerrant word of God is true

I believe your errant lifestyle choices will one day haunt you

I believe the sin in this world is at war with God

I believe your sin makes you an enemy of God

I believe God does not hold people guilty of their sins

I believe God makes peace between Him and the world through Christ

I believe God makes His enemies His friends

I believe as His friends we should stand firm in what is morally right

Rather than accepting what is politically correct

I believe we should once again exalt God as the one and only God of our nation

Why...

Because I believe a double-minded man will falter

On the day he stands before God at the altar

I believe the day will come when you must account…

For what you believe—or don’t believe

A Moment That Stays

I remember the moment

When I knew the life went out of you

Still warm to my touch

Your body collapsed in my arms

Your eyes glazed

Into staring glass

Your breath shallow

Your voice no longer yours

White coats

And rushing feet

Turned our moments into 

Sounds that beep

One minute

Two minutes

Twelve hours

Holding your hand

Singing you songs

Watching your chest

Slowly rise then fall

Grasping empty hope

Pleading--stay with me

Feeling your surrendering salutation

When your heart said__silent night

The beeps cease

And life turns out the light

You're gone

The moment lingers on...

Feeling

I’m feeling arms I don’t see

I’m feeling a force embracing me

I’m feeling warmth I can’t explain

I’m feeling sensations stimulating my brain

I, am feeling love

October...again

Yesterday marked the third year of my mom’s new home in heaven. I approached the day with trepidation but made it through with grace. 

This morning however, not so much. The thought of her not being here struck my heart with stinging pain that brought tears to my eyes. It still hurts, that hurt brought back memories of losing my dad and standing in court telling the judge how I felt about the man that took his life. I wonder how my heart will feel on October 24^th, the day heaven became his home. 

This I do know—the pain decreases but it doesn’t go away.


Lord, this day started with praising You in songs, then drifted into thoughts of losing my parents. I’m still in the beginning stages of my day and I place the remainder of it in Your hands to bring forth Your will for how it ends. May I walk into it with joy.


~Vanessa~

The Preacher's Voice

Talking to a friend the other day I was reminded of a childhood memory and how the preacher has two voices. (confession time)


There’s this distinct voice mode *southern Baptist preachers go into at a certain point in their message (or sermon) … as a child when he hit the genesis of that sound he was heading into the highway of preaching, which meant it was my time to travel the roadway of mental imagery and enter into daydream mode. I always made sure I had a hand-fan with beautiful scenery conducive to allowing my imagination to soar. Staring into the scene on that fan my world would transform. The visions of my mind’s eye took me to variant places, adventures and experiences I hoped to one day fulfill.


I lived for the moment when that sound came; it meant my body would still be in church, but my mind was teleported into a conscious state of excitement traveling the world over; being the character in my latest book or creating one I wanted to be. Now as an adult when I hear that sound I tend to zone out, no longer daydreaming but wondering—what is the purpose for that sound. It would excite the church people into all kinds of amen noises, some would even rise to their feet and commence into the spirit mode known as "shouting". I half-watched in amused curiosity but was more drawn to my fantasy and never really heard or understood the point the message or the emotions that voice evoked from the congregants.


However, before the preacher reached that mode he would introduce his topic and give scriptural and/or personal examples; he would talk—and I would hear him, I listened and was interested; that was the voice mode that held my focus on the preacher and what he was saying; it is the voice I would now call—the teaching voice. I’ve already confessed what happens when he goes into the other mode; which I call—the preaching voice. Growing up I liked both voices, they afforded me the opportunity to do two things in church—to learn, and to daydream.


As I matured in my walk with the Lord, I realized I gained more from a teaching voice than a preaching voice.


What about you...



*I say “southern Baptist preacher” because I grew up in the south and it is the basis of my experience.

The Light

Where are you when the light shines on you

Are you standing in the shadows so only a portion of you captures the light

Are you standing full blown so all of you displays the light

How are you capturing the light

Where are you

Are you like the lampstand that’s hidden under a bushel

Are you a mighty tower shining on a hill

So in the face of darkness you know how to stand strong and still

                                  

Almost

...the beauty I seek

That Renaissance Man

I’m ready for that Renaissance Man

The one that descends from the spirit of the Almighty

The one that soars on the wings of an eagle

Embracing the storm on a quiet sea

I’m ready for that man that will look beyond the obvious

And see the best in me

That renaissance man that gives his all to Thee

That knows when to laugh—and knows how to cry

He can touch the soul of my heart with the look in his eye

That renaissance man that can reason the answer to the question—why

That man that governs his home serving the Master on high

I’m ready for that renaissance man

The one that descends from the creator of the earth and sky

He prevails in the waters that run very deep

He conquers the mountains when they get a little steep

He knows when to slow down and rest in peaceful sleep

Where is that renaissance man

The one that in marriage will come and take my hand

Love me in obedience according to the Master’s plan

The Master—where he draws his strength to carry me through the sinking sand

I’m ready for my renaissance man

That man—the one who only exists in Jesus