Thoughts Past and Present

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I heard a song last night that gripped who I am as a triumphant warrior in Jesus Christ. It encapsulates my entire journey through life. 

 🎶There’s a light in my life shining over me🎶

(The lyric from the song "There is a Light" by Liz Vice that inspired my thoughts)

A Shining Light

From the day I was born

Life’s battles were already won

In my mind they were hard battles I fought

Battles made easy 

By dwelling in the divine peace I sought 

Peace shining a light over me

A celestial light human eyes cannot see

From the day I was born 

Victory was mine 

How do I know

There’s a light shining over me

In the moments when I want to flee

I can’t 

Why

That light has a hold on me

So I keep moving in the light that is shining over me

Thank God for The Light that is shining over me

The Light that provides peace in the storm and sets me free

When my vision is cloudy...and I can’t move 

I make it through because of The Light that is shining over me

Illuminating the path where I should be

Seek The Light 

That is forever and always…shining…cleansing…healing…restoring 

It’s a heavenly light we will one day see

…if you know Him…

That light has been shining over me all my life…even when I didn’t know it

Now it’s my time to show it

 Feb 18, 2025 at 12:23PM 

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Inner warrior Rising

Rise up

Rise up with a vengeance!

Take back what the devil has stolen 

That pain belongs to him

You belong to the Lord

So inner warrior rise up 

Fight with the Glory of who you are

A Child of the King

A member of the Royal Priesthood—the Holy Nation

A Lion of Judah

A Conqueror 

A Sword Bearer

A Spiritual Warrior 

A Fighter!

Rise up Inner Warrior 

And fight 

Fight with a vengeance!

 Feb 4, 2025 at 12:49PM 

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I Will Live and Not Die

A shadow lingers over my countenance 

Its grip will not take hold of my spirit 

I am alive and free in Jesus Christ 

For this…His blood paid the ultimate price 

I will live and not die 

Here’s the reason why

He loves me

He heals me

He suffered on the cross just for me

No greater love can a creator have for His created than to lay down His life 

So that I may live and not die

Though my earthly temple will one day fade away 

I will live forever because Christ died for my eternity 

I may walk through valleys filled with shadows of death

Fear will not overtake me 

Nor will those shadows control my countenance 

I am filled with the power and presence of the Holy Spirit

That gives me life…and I will freely and joyfully live it

I will live life in victory…courageously sharing what God has done for me

In suffering He has set me free

In His eternal sacrifice I will live and never die

 Jan 9, 2025 at 9:37AM 

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Surgery

A reality that has come to be

A process I don’t want to see

At the cross I make my plea

There I have a guarantee 

Surgery was dealt with 

…on Calvary 

 Dec 13, 2024 at 9:51PM 

The Path…In Peace

 

This c-word journey has been an interesting one. I almost want to say amazing because of the favor I have received from my Father. God has sustained me and brought me through with flying colors. (I sometimes feel survivor’s guilt because I have friends that are really having a hard time in their battle.) Though the journey is not over I have no doubt His favor will continue throughout. Surgery went well, all cancer is gone, and recovery has been easier than most.  Next step…radiation. Best part…no chemo! A hormone blocker is unfortunately in my repertoire. 

 

Prior to this phase in my life, I heard a song by Oleta Adams titled "A Place of Peace". When I first heard this song, it spoke to me with the beauty of the request. At the genesis of my journey Holy Spirit placed the song in my spirit and I listened again, this time more intently than previous times…in the listening I knew my place of peace was not a physical place but a spiritual place that lived inside my heart. To this place I attribute all the success I have had thus far in this journey. 

 

My initial prayer was Lord heal me supernaturally so I can be a testimonial to Your miraculous healing power. Once as I prayed, He showed me three paths:

1. I get that miraculous healing 
2. I receive healing by going through the process 
3. I meet Him face to face (which we will all do someday)

Either way I win…to live is Christ to die is gain. 

 

As I journeyed through procedure after procedure, I endured them well and kept waiting for them to tell me the c-word is gone, we don’t see it anymore. When they requested a magnification of the area before the procedure that precedes surgery. I knew this was going to be the one where I would get the triumphant news. As I sat there waiting for them to come back…I prayed. In my prayer I came to a silent resolve in my spirit and saw those three paths. I began singing a song:

 

🎶 whatever path I go down I won’t cry I won’t frown I see Your hand holding mine with a love that binds🎶

 

Then came the results…results that did not send me soaring into triumphant victory. I walked solemnly to my car and sang my new song to a friend that called to check on me. As I drove away my heart, my mind, and my soul knew what they had to do—dwell in my place of peace. That’s where I live moment by moment. 

 

In that song the lyricist wrote of Jesus’ time in the Garden of Gethsemane. My soul latched on to the part…"take this bitter cup from me, yet not my will but Yours be done". I knew in that moment God has a purpose and a plan for me to travel path #2. I can travel it in turmoil, or I can travel it in peace. I am reminded of His words that admonish us to count it all joy when we fall into various trials. How dare I go through this as if I don’t know who He is. what He will do and how He will bring me through. And still—give me a testimony. 

 Feb 4, 2025 at 10:34AM 

 

                               From God’s Great Blessings Devotional 

                                Feb 4, 2025 at 5:27PM 

 

The Corinthian Song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsj-C2f6zxg

This song became the anthem of my heart this morning.  It epitomizes my thoughts and feelings right now. 

 

(I do not own the rights to this song but pay homage to the Artist: Eric Lige)

 Nov 19, 2024 at 8:59AM 

 

More Random Thoughts

 

I am spirit 

I am light 

Ready to stand 

And battle this fight 

I am bold

I am strong 

Thankful the word of God

Never leaves me alone 

 Nov 17, 2024 at 4:08AM 

 

Why so downcast oh my soul

Look up and let the good times roll

When I catch this thing pulling me down 

I don’t just sit around 

I allow the melodies from heaven 

To lift me up 

Flow in and fill my serenity cup

Saturate me with God’s graceful love

Enclosing me like a comforting glove

Peace flowing in—on the wings of a dove

The best feeling you could ever speak of 

Thank You Lord for creating music!

 Nov 18, 2024 at 9:04AM 

 

For such a time as this

It is what it is but it’s not what it seems

While I wait for this to be over

I’m going to keep dreaming my dreams

They keep my feelings off the floor

And usher me through God’s open door

Can’t wait to see what’s waiting for me

 Nov 18, 2024 at 3:22PM 

 

 

Wings

I see Him

Bursting through the clouds 

With healing in His wings 

 Nov 16, 2024 at 8:43AM 

I’m going to press in Lord

Until my spirit soar on top of Your spirit 

And ride on the wings of victory 

 Nov 16, 2024 at 9:05AM 

Lord, I thank You for the deep-down feeling of serenity 

That rests in Your wings 

Bringing me Your joy

 Nov 16, 2024 at 10:24AM 

Making it Through the Moment

 

Astonishing how I can go through the day like a normal regular day. As regular and normal as multitasking and forgetting some of the tasks (like forgetting I’m doing laundry), and even forgetting the c-word has entered my life; and it seems like everything is kosher. 

 

Then I settle down, and I’m assaulted with an emotional memory that tries to pull me down. That’s when I take a deep breath, let it out and tell myself through the nervousness in my stomach you have a battle to fight and only the strong survive. Not strength in myself but strength in Phil. 4:13, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me…and I make it through the moment. 

 

That’s what happens in this wait mode.

 

Vanessa, remember they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not get weary, they will walk and not faint.

I can do this…

(I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…)

 Nov 15, 2024 at 9:18PM 

 

 

 

A Survivor's Dream

 

In the REM hours of sleep I am walking towards the top of some stairs where there is a toddler sized child at the bottom of the stairs struggling on the ground that had been severely beaten. A lady picked him up to help him and was told to put him down, she did. As I approached, I was horrified to see no one helping the baby.  They were smiling as they watched him struggle. I couldn’t take it anymore and was going to go pick him up. Then I noticed the lady standing beside me, it was Shanice, at this point it was just me and her. She didn’t look at me but kept watching the baby with a serene smile on her face, she lightly touched my arm and said no don’t pick him up. I couldn’t understand why but I didn’t go down the stairs and pick him up. As we stood there watching I imagined myself picking him up hugging him and taking him to the hospital, where he eventually died. Shanice and I were still standing there looking down at the struggling child…and I began to smile; then I woke up…

 

As I was opening my eyes, I could still see the struggling baby; becoming more awake I was wondering why I couldn’t help him, and why were we smiling at such a horrific sight. 

 

The answer came: that baby was cancer coming in the form of a child, a deception of the enemy so you would pick it up, love it and care for it. It was beaten up by the many men and women who have been in battle with it. If you had picked it up, embraced it, and helped it, you would become one of the many that didn’t bravely survive it. Because you didn’t embrace it…you will stand with the brave survivors. 

 

Now fully awake…I sit up and go WOW!! THANK YOU LORD!! 🙌🏽

 Nov 15, 2024 at 10:31AM 

 

 Nov 15, 2024 at 12:21PM 

 

Waiting

 

I’ve been in wait mode

Waiting for the results

Waiting for the PCP consultation 

Waiting for the call from the oncologist (that finally came today) 

It’s getting close 

When it was far away

At times it didn’t feel real 

I could sometimes forget about it in the moments when I wasn’t thinking about it

Now that I have an appointment with an oncologist the day before Thanksgiving 

Real is sinking in 

What am I getting into…what am I waiting for

Nov 14, 2024 at 7:05PM 

Random Thoughts

 

Your heart is like a vacant room when familiar voices are silent 

…Even strength feels alone 

 Nov 11, 2024 at 8:06AM 

 

Then God brings along a voice you really needed to hear—one that fills your heart with hope and love 

…and won’t disappear 

 Nov 11, 2024 at 11:10AM 

 

A song lyric asks where is your place of peace…my place of peace is in the healing hands of Jesus 

 Nov 13, 2024 at 10:40AM 

 

His grace surrounds me like the warmth of a lavender bubble bath mixed with soothing chamomile. The relaxing effects last for a long while 

 Nov 13, 2024 at 1:31PM 

 

I often say I have mastered the art of relaxation… and I have; now here comes a hiccup. I will not allow it to become a trip up. It will not wreck my flow because I know where to go 

 Nov 13, 2024 at 2:03PM 

 

I have my place of peace where the voices of the enemy must cease 

 Nov 13, 2024 at 2:19PM 

 

As I’m trying to read, floaters are drifting all over the page bringing to realization that the problems with my eyes have taken a back seat to the big Goliath in my breast. They are both poised to wreak my peace. I say to both…your lifespans in my life have a short lease. 

 Nov 13, 2024 at 2:23PM 

How My Journey Relates to a Music Vocalist

Being an avid music lover, I am thrilled to discover a new artist with a dynamic voice that stands out from the rest; and mystified when I realize they are not new…they just didn’t cross my radar.

During the days of Star Search I remember watching a little girl with a big voice singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow and rooting for her to win (which she did); didn’t recall her name and like most of us little kids with big voices slip into the background of our listening experiences. Mainly because what type of music would appeal to adults from a little kid with a big voice. I am also a lover of ice skating, so when Disney on Ice graced my screen back in the day, I was transfixed. In the Wizard of Oz segment there was a young woman singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow with the most dynamic vocals a music lover’s ears want to hear. I didn’t know who she was but was enthralled with her rendition of the song. Had the internet been then what it is today, I would have googled her and found out who she was.

Fast forward to today I am watching an Unsung segment featuring the husband of one of my favorite gospel singers. He is a Grammy award winning producer and started producing music at a young age. They showcased several artists he produced; one was a young lady with vocals that matched Whitney Houston and dance moves on par with Janet Jackson. When they showed her interview talking about working with him, I didn’t recognize her, she was much older in the interview than she was in the video. I did take note of her name, Shanice. Now that google is around, I could find out who this dynamic singer was(is). To my surprise she turned out to be the little girl from Star Search and the young woman from Disney on Ice. I was floored and wondered why she didn’t cross my radar in the 90s when she was at the height of her career. Assessing my musical life during that time I was totally into music that fed my deep desire to grow closer to God. Unfortunately, Shanice was not singing in that genre; and because the music industry is fickle and cutthroat, she received a raw deal and did not gain the same notoriety as Whitney and Janet, resulting in a dynamic vocalist fading into obscurity (creating a loss for music listeners in my opinion).

As I learned more about her, I discovered she was married to an actor whose tv show I watched every week, and that was her singing the theme song to his show called One on One. The two of them had their ups and downs in the industry and created a reality show called Flex and Shanice to tell their story of how they survived the storm together giving God the glory. They have a fascinating love story and marriage.

Why is Shanice significant to me? When you watch videos on YouTube, they track what you watch, and you get similar vids in your feed. On the day I received a cancer diagnosis a video of Shanice pops up…not the usual music related content I normally get but an interview of her appearing on Good Morning America the day before I saw this one; she was there not to sing but to share her survival with breast cancer surgery in May and June of this year. When she revealed the type of cancer she had I realized I did not know what type I was diagnosed with. I read the report I received from the imaging center, and it was the same type she had. Unfortunately, I share her skirmish with mammograms and her reason for not getting regular checkups.  Hearing her story of mammogram struggles and survival with the same type of cancer I am going to survive, and on the same day I receive the news, with an admonition that it is not a death sentence gave me my first ray of hope.

How many of you know discovering her and that video popping up in my feed was not a coincidence…

Nov 11, 2024 at 4:24PM

Shanice's Journey