October

October 24…this day always made my mama sad

This was the day she was spared, and we tragically lost my dad

God kept her here and she lost one of the things she held most dear

She was a miracle in the midst of his tragedy

Why Lord, did you want her to stay

And a fatal bullet took my dad away

Was it that on this earth she had more to say

Some say it wasn’t her time

And for that only You know the reason and the rhyme

Here I sit on this day—remembering him, and remembering her

For now, they both have gone away

I can no longer hear what either of them have to say

In this moment of time in my life

I wish I could once again glean from their wisdom and advice…

October is a month of mixed feelings made of joy and cloaked with sadness of entrances and exits:

                On the 2^nd Makayla made her entrance into the world *
                          

                On the 3^rd my mom made her exit

                On the 5^th I made my entrance

                On the 24^th my dad made his exit

How does one keep the joy of the entrances and not let them get overshadowed by the exits?

You dwell on the joy of each entrance and the good memories you had before the exits—placing all in God’s hands and live in the comfort of His love.

*(Read Makayla's story in my 2009 blog)

Awaken The Dawn!

Have you ever done something you want to do again and again, and keep doing it…that’s the feeling I have about Awaken the Dawn/The Call.  I want to go back to The National Mall in Washington D.C., be with the people I went with; hear the songs we sang; share the experience of electrifying worship; engage in deep heartfelt prayer; be inspired by impassioned messages; walk among the tents hearing the different styles of worship and prayer from each state and region, unique yet sharing the same message—but most of all basking in the presence of God! A presence that surrounded the entire area.

There was a call to our nation that weekend: we need to invite God's presence back into our homes, our schools, our workplace, our government, our entertainment, our relationships, and yes, even our churches…we need to kneel down and passionately make 2Chr. 7:14 a part of our daily ritual. We are His people called by His name, so let's humble ourselves, and pray and seek His face, and turn from our wicked ways, then He will hear from heaven, and will forgive our sin and heal our land! As one speaker pointed out we often overlook the next verse: 2Chr. 7:15, “Now my eyes will be open and My ears attentive to prayer made in this place.” We cried out and invited our Lord back to our nation…we thank you Lord that your eyes are open, and your ears are attentive to the prayers made in that place on October 6-9, 2017!

The catch phrase for me that weekend was from speaker Heidi Baker: “what does love look like” …so eloquently repeated several times until it saturated your spirit. Love looks like us sharing God’s love, and not just sharing God’s love but being God’s love.

God had a purpose and a plan for each person in attendance—I can’t wait for Him to reveal mine…

Praying at the Supreme Court

Prayer at the White House

Praying on the Capitol grounds

(I'm sorry the video will not play) 

We had a blast! God is on the move...

Be blessed my friends…in His Spirit
Vanessa

An Open Door

One of the greatest things about visiting family is communing with those that are rich in the wisdom of the Lord and hears His voice. I have a family member here in San Diego that is blessed with that richness.

Like myself she loves the beauty of the ocean and often walks along the shore. While on her walk one day at LaJolla Shores God shared His wisdom with her through a visual revelation walking under the pier. The columns caught her attention as the waves crashed against them. She saw those crashing waves as challenges.

Life brings many challenges; walking in the grace of God you can see His plan as you go through these challenges and experience what He has for you in the completion. At the end of those crashing challenges that each column represented, my cousin saw an open door leading to the vastness of the ocean. The big beautiful ocean! I loved what she called this door—an open door of endless possibilities. Isn’t that what God has for us—possibilities that are as big as the ocean and never quit, all we have to do is trust and receive.

Our challenges may seem insurmountable as they crash against us, but compared to the vastness of the ocean…they become endless possibilities. Let’s walk through that open door—and enjoy all He has for us… 

I witnessed her revelation

Peace in the journey

The Senses of My Journey

I see you in the beauty of a rose

I see you in the color green

I feel you in the breath of the wind

Your fragrant love tingles my nose

I hear you in the silence of my heart

As I rest in the color blue

I want to experience You face to face

Before I leave the beauty of this place

Please hear my heart’s cry

Let me learn from You eye to eye—ear to ear

And let me know I have nothing to fear

Wherever this journey takes me

Your beauty is all I want to see, feel, touch, and hear

Then I’ll know Your presence is always near

As I leave this place

I may not always see beauty in my surroundings

But the joy of Your love will always be there

Embracing me with Your graceful care.

I love you Lord—now and forever more...

Relaunching

The next phase of my journey is taking me back to San Diego. A place where I left my heart, the place where I learned what salvation is, the place where I learned to spend time alone in His presence and praise Him. A place I loved and have longed to return to since I left there in 1989.

My reason for returning home to Georgia has now transitioned to her heavenly home. With that I should feel freedom to come and go as I please. Do I feel that freedom…yes I do, and only because I have freedom in the knowledge of Christ. Whom God has set free is free indeed. Do I like the freedom I should feel…not especially. My mother’s transition hurt far more than I ever thought it would. In times past, I would say to the Lord, “when I’ve finished with what I need to do here please send me back to California”. It took 28 years to finish what I needed to do; however, it is finished, and not how I expected it to—I have learned some things about the unexpected.

In my wait to return to San Diego I encountered some life experiences that took me abroad with some successes and some failures. The failures, unfortunately, had more of an impact than the successes. One failure in particular paralyzed me and almost destroyed my spirit. But God being the loving Father he is kept me, never left me, and breathed revived life into my valley of dry bones so I rise from the ashes to thrive again.

I titled this piece “relaunching”, inspired by a Dale Bronner message of the same title, because I feel that is what’s happening in my return to my beloved San Diego. I had stopped doing the things God called me to do. I stepped out of the boat, failed, then stepped back into the boat to hide—now I’m stepping out again. With power packed knowledge from my failures and successes—I am relaunching. The timing of my return to San Diego was not next in line in my travels.  Nevertheless, because I have given God a blank page I go now. Will it once again become the place it was for me in times past—I don’t know. At the beginning of my journey I was excited to go back thinking it would be the last leg of my journey and the place I would settle in once again as my home. Standing at the window of my former home looking out one day praying about my journey my excitement was mounting; my thoughts went to San Diego and I smiled...God said to me, be careful, you may not have the same heart toward it as you did before…it’s not the same place you left, and neither are you.

What will my heart be like when I visit familiar places there…I can only speculate with guided expectation. I seek Him—His will is my will.

Be blessed my friends… Please pray for me as I depart on August 30, 2017.

Beauty in the Unexpected

Sometimes when looking through emotional fog we fail to see the beauty God has tucked away in the most inconspicuous places—or maybe not so inconspicuous. Even if we know what we have we don’t really see it until someone else sees it.

After a very long trip across three states in a downpour of liquid crystals pelleting the windshield and one lane traffic in one state, our convoy of three cars totally ten family members arrived in Detroit to settle for the night at the Marriott Courtyard Hotel. Of the five rooms we were assigned on each side of the building my view was of the courtyard (which I didn't notice until it was pointed out to me). My prayer is to always be surrounded by the beauty of God’s nature—He never fails. Though I feel my journey didn’t start as I envisioned God is still in the mix, giving me even the smallest desires of my heart (even when I don’t ask). I open the curtains in my hotel room and see Him in the beauty of His nature.

The service for my cousin brought forth more beauty in the spirit of words and songs. Her favorite color purple embraced the peaceful beauty of her smile as her spirit soared upward toward her heavenly home. May we feel the peace on earth she is now experiencing.

I have sojourned here in Tuscaloosa for almost three weeks enjoying the company of my family here. I thank and praise God for their beautiful hospitality and the love I have felt. I will leave this week or early next week for Memphis, or back to Georgia to regroup as I continue to listen for that small still voice that leads me on the path I should follow and direct my time in each place. I covet the prayers of those following me that I may be attentive to His directions.

God’s peace and blessings to all reading this post. Grace in the journey…

The Unexpected in the Journey

When one embarks upon a journey of discovery you have these picturesque thoughts of traveling happy trails of joy. That’s how I saw my journey beginning. Instead, my joy is replaced with sadness. First, with hospital visits in New York; and now I leave tomorrow to meet my cousins in Tuscaloosa, AL; then on to Detroit, MI for a memorial service for another cousin.

Has my journey of discovery begun with these unexpected life events…it would be so easy to be upset with God right now, and question His plan. Easy if I didn’t know Him—but I do know Him and the God I know does have a plan. He did from the very beginning of time. Part of that plan is life…and death. We love the life part when it’s great, but when life deteriorates we want God to change His plan and keep life picturesque on happy trails of joy. But death is a part of life, and the realism of death hurts. Whereas, we do not feel happy when a loved one enters a suffering stage of life and then graduates into heaven, our comfort comes in knowing weeping and mourning will endure for a night, but joy does come in the morning.

I would like to think my journey of discovery has not yet begun until I feel those picturesque thoughts of joy. I may not have them at this present moment; nevertheless, I am traveling. In God I place my trust—and my heart; which I know He will heal. And I will carry on with joy in the journey...

Eat Pray Love...Vanessa's Version

Seven long years since my last post...ironically it was centered on a movie character taking a journey. I am embarking on the same type journey with a different focus. My journey is more spiritual in nature in that I am following the leading of the Holy Spirit to guide my moves and set my itinerary as I travel in His grace and mercy. I give Him thanks and praise for His wisdom and direction.

Why this journey...in some of my earlier posts I was mourning the loss of my father; I am now mourning the loss of my mother. With that loss what has always been home and a place of refuge doesn't seem like such anymore. In this journey I will visit friends and family in various places. As I visit I will be searching for a new home. That home will be where God says this is the place to stop, settle, and tell people what you know of me. Where that place is only God knows. I trust Him to reveal it to me when I'm there. Who knows...He could bring me back to my home town. The journey will be far greater than the destination.

At the present moment I am writing this in New York. I would like to think of this as the start of my journey. Unfortunately, I came here earlier than expected because the relative I was planning to visit (my mom's older sister) had a stroke bringing me here sooner than I planned; which reinerates my goal to follow God's plan. We never know what life is going to bring, or the order in which life events will happen. I give God a blank page for Him to plan my itinerary on this journey. To God be the glory!

Eat Pray Love - My Thoughts

The movie depicts what has happened to the American way of thinking. People today are so caught up in what they think they should be doing with their lives they sadly miss what is truly important to them as an individual. This “American way” of thinking causes the vast majority to live a life of “happy misery”. Liz Gilbert took a bold step and decided to break out of her misery and discover what would truly make her happy.

Most people stay in their happy misery because it’s safe, and leaving it would mean losing what they think they have gained from careers and jobs that most of them hate. Others, like Liz, leave their misery to grow. I applaud her for embarking on a voyage that could be seen as self-indulgent but in reality broadens her self-knowledge.

Ultimately, she broke free of the dull way most Americans think they should live their lives to be successful and obtain the ever so elusive American dream (which most of us will never experience).

Whereas the movie was lacking in productive depth, the depth was there for those that could relate to Liz, whether they are in the beginning phase of needing to embark on that same type of journey, or they had already taken the leap. Perhaps those that think it was shallow should take the plunge. I dare you.

Figure Skaters, Grace, and the Gold

One of the most beautiful artistic pieces you can ever experience is watching a figure skater gracefully gliding across the ice interpreting music, not letting a gold medal interfere with their joy of skating. For me, Peggy Flemming, Dorothy Hamill, Katarina Witt and Nancy Kerrigan were the epitome of grace on ice. Wednesday I was drawn into another skater that I will now call strength on ice. Joannie Rochette, the young lady that bridled her emotions and took to the Olympic ice in the midst of struggling with the deepest pain a child could experience. She had not crossed my radar until now. Watching her I felt compelled to research her past performances. With each presentation I was drawn into her every move and amazed at how she blended the required jumps into her routine with ease. She definitely joins the ranks of my grace skaters.

From the beginning to the end of her short program you could see she had a mission. With graceful strength she took her stance upon the ice; as the music started so did her interpretation of that mission. She had to finish what she and her mother started as a young child—to podium in the Olympics. Never did Joannie think that when she left her hometown with her mother and father by her side to compete she would end her long program looking toward heaven blowing a kiss to her mother’s spirit.

How could a young woman muster the courage she did to stay in the game after the champion of her life suddenly leaves this world never to return and skate with the grace of the aforementioned skaters? It had to be something bigger than her. Perhaps we have a glimpse with the direction of her kiss.

No doubt their dream was the gold—that was not to be. She did however make the podium; with that steeled grace and strength exhibited early on, she lowered her head during the ceremony and received the bronze medal fulfilling the mission she knew she must complete.

Even sadder than the passing of her mother is the reaction of some people (I am happy to say are in the minority) that feel she didn’t deserve the medal and it was a sympathy awarding. Like music and beauty, skating is in "the eye of the beholder". This is apparent with the rules of scoring changing so many times over the years. Some, like me, watch for the artistry, others watch for the athleticism and some, a combination of both. I don’t know much about nor do care about the technical side of figure skating, I love to watch the artistic interpretation of the music, and if they never make a jump it wouldn’t matter to me. With the insurgence of triple lutzes and triple axels most skaters have left out the grace. Joannie brought it back for me, that coupled with her strength in a dark moment made it all the better. For that I give her the gold.

In the quest for Olympic gold the male figure skaters were not without their drama. The favored was Evgeni Plushenko. He skated to a silver end and the gold went to Evan Lysacek. Plushenko, along with many critics and fans feel he was cheated because he jumped a quad and Evan didn’t. There it is again—jumping vs. grace. In this case however, I think it went deeper than that; there was a pride vs. humility at play and the humble one walked away with the gold--after skating gracefully on the ice.