Appreciating Carnegie

I relived a childhood memory yesterday.

Passing by Carnegie library in my hometown of Newnan, Georgia I stopped and peered down at the steps where I once sat numerous summer days in the 1960s waiting on my mom. The compelling memory drew me in to take in a moment that meant so much to me as a child.

Inside where I enjoyed searching for just the right book to occupy my time and quench my thirst for fantasizing had changed in design, but the pillars and windows were exactly the same. I took in the moment with stealth silence; then, enjoyed an enriching conversation with the "librarian" (as they were called back in the day) sharing how the programming is somewhat the same but has also changed to stay relevant with the times. The moment almost made me wish I could turn back the hands of times.

Walking back outside (that looked exactly the same) taking in one last look at the steps did something else for me that was more profound—it brought an appreciation for my mom. I appreciated her allowing me to spend time in one of my favorite places while she did her shopping and ran errands; and I didn’t have to tag along with her and dread the haphazard moments of her fussing when I didn’t do things right. As much as I thought she was mean and didn’t know me—she really did know me...and dropped me off in a world filled with books that always brought me joy.
~Thanks mom~

...and Thanks Carnegie—for being a place of refuge.



Apr 10, 2019 at 5:54 AM

The Real Chocolate

White chocolate, dark chocolate, milk chocolate

How chocolate is chocolate

Is your chocolate more chocolate than my chocolate

The milk dipped into my chocolate

Does that make my chocolate unreal

And less chocolate than your chocolate

Who put milk in the chocolate and changed the look

Why you wanna say I’m not real chocolate

What is real chocolate

Why you wanna question my chocolate

My chocolate speaks different from your chocolate

My chocolate sings better than your chocolate

My chocolate doesn’t dress like your chocolate

Is white chocolate chocolate

Is dark chocolate more chocolate

Is milk chocolate less chocolate

Is chocolate just chocolate with its many shades

What is real chocolate

Why do you question my chocolate when it’s white

Why do you question my chocolate when it’s dark

Why do you question my chocolate when it’s milk

Why do you question my chocolate at all

What is real chocolate

My chocolate has rhythm

My chocolate has soul

My chocolate has power

Am I privileged if I’m white chocolate

Am I looked down on if I’m dark chocolate

Am I an outcast if I’m milk chocolate

 

You question how my chocolate is wrapped

You question how my chocolate conducts itself

You question my chocolate’s attitude

What makes chocolate real chocolate

Why do you question chocolate at all

What is real chocolate

My white chocolate is pretty

My dark chocolate is beautiful

My milk chocolate is cute

How long will we continue to play this game

When will all chocolate be the same

How long will we question what is real

Why make difference a big deal

When will my chocolate be enough to be chocolate

What is real chocolate

Complicated questions with no definitive answers?

Chocolate is chocolate

White chocolate

Dark chocolate

Milk chocolate

—it’s all real chocolate

 

Inspired by the documentary “Am I Black Enough”

As a child I was teased because I had yellow pigments in my skin, I grew up somewhat confused about skin color; because the child with dark or black pigments was also teased. When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t see yellow or black, I saw brown. On the playground there was a mixture of colors in our skin so why were we all called black; especially since the blackest child was sometimes the last one picked for a team. At other times, the high yellow kid was left out. I often wondered what skin tone was acceptable. Oddly, the acceptable tone changed with the era. How did we as a people, especially kids, learn to differentiate acceptance based on skin color? 

Why did it matter…

The Lifeline

In the solemn times of life, you sometimes find yourself hiding in the crevice of a rock

Wondering—where is my lifeline…

A treacherous wind is blowing desolation in volumes through your turbulent emotions

The trenches of your life keep pulling you down deeper into a despairing darkness

Gloom is swirling all around attacking the happiness you desire

You need the light of your spirit to shine bright in the blackness of that all-consuming despair

But that gloom is fiercely fighting against what you know is true to your victory

You want to uncover the peace of an unfailing love that covers you everywhere

You need the shield that encompasses your faith and the breastplate that protects your righteousness to surround you and stand tall against the forces that savagely tries to devour your lifeline

The lifeline that releases the chokehold that holds you down

The lifeline that spreads a joy-filled presence all around

The lifeline that lifts you up and make your spirit soar

The lifeline that helps you remember you forgot to listen for the knock at the door

The knock that says—Here I am! If you open the door, I will come in

The knock that says seek and you will find

Ask and it will be given—pressed down, shaken together and running over

A knock that brings a conquering lifeline

Calming the treacherous winds

Dispelling the gloom of despair

Pulling you out of the trenches and lighting a candle in the darkness

A lifeline that uncovers the unfailing peace of love

Displaying your happiness—anytime anywhere

A lifeline of victory that started on a cross stating—I Am that I Am

I Am in control

I bring you through gloomy clouds on the left

And sunny clouds on the right—with blue skies in between

I Am the Lifeline that controls all the highs and the lows

I comfort you when turbulence comes

And rejoice with you when it goes

Elevating you to your rightful place

Nothing happens that I haven’t ordained

I Am that I Am

I AM—The Lifeline

 

Dark Spirit

You step up in a path where you’re not wanted

Trying to spread your lifeless fear

Wanting to expel what you don’t want me to hear

Exploiting what you want to empower

Tremble—this is your last hour

I say to you...dark spirit back up off of me

There’s strength here your eyes are too blind to see

His voice is stronger than yours will ever be

Saying no matter what you’re listening to

I can still speak to you

I belong to Him

He belongs to me

I’m His and He’s mine

We roll with a love that will last a lifetime

No obstacle will keep that love from me

He looked down on this docile child and gave her a winning smile

Spreading His arms in abundant care

He gave up His life with no despair

Dark spirit your days are numbered

Defeated by a strength that’s meek, wise, and humble

No matter what you try to do

I will always be more than a conqueror

Your temptations He defeated

At His right hand I am seated

So dark spirit...back up off of me!

A Love Wish-

(Featuring Toni Braxton’s song titles)

lf you dream it—it will come
What am I dreaming and wishing for…

Love—that’s loyal and true

And not just a Fairy Tale romance or a loose Love Affair

I want to Find Me a Man that knows how to love

Make My Heart feel something pure and rare

Not one that’s going to have me on a Roller Coaster, apologizing saying I didn’t mean to Hurt You.

In my unfortunate thoughts I Rewind and reminisce on a past love wanting to ask him Do You Remember When I wanted to know from you How Could An Angel Break My Heart; it was tragic but true. He had me in a state of just Coping in a bad situation. No Way will I be Missin’ such a trifling piece of Deadwood. Because of him I have to wait for a real man to Unbreak My Heart and I Don’t Want To have to wait. Why should I continue being childish wondering Where Did We Go Wrong, vacillating and contemplating Why Should I Care. I want to be a Woman and stop Trippin’ over the one that didn't know how to love; no longer begging him Please…Stay…Why Won’t You Love Me. When will I realize his kind of love is so Yesterday? 

If I Have to Wait, I’ll wait—because as long as I’m Still Breathing, I have a chance for good quality love. The wrong boy took my breath away, but when the right man walks into my life I will effortlessly Breathe Again; and won’t have to sing Another Sad Love Song or wait Seven Whole Days for a call that will never come. When he walks into my life, I’ll hear him declaring softly and gently straight to my heart and soul...You Mean the World to Me. 

Right now, he’s a beautiful faceless silhouette pouring his anonymous presence into my heart. When I finally see him, I know I can confidently say Come On Over Here. In the Late of Night, I’ll look into his eyes by Candlelight, see the joy in his face when I demonstrate how I can love him with my Hands Tied, whispering to him over and over You’re Making Me High; high on a Good Life of love that makes us both feel we're having The Time of Our Lives. He’ll hold me like a Spanish Guitar and I’ll never have to proclaim He Wasn’t Man Enough for Me because he loves me with The Art of Love. He makes my Pulse beat in such rhythmic proportions it feels like a delightful Heart Attack. There's no Sweat when it comes to this man, however, The Heat he brings makes my temperature rise so high I need to Hit the Freeway to cool off blissfully singing to him what a blessing that I Belong to You.

Such gratifying love—so smooth and fluid we Let it Flow with power and grace. I’ll never have to say Love Should Have Brought You Home because he’s always there. I hear him Talking in His Sleep whispering, darling, let me count How Many Ways I love Spending My Time With You. We joyfully let each other know There’s No Me Without You. My Best Friend and everyone else will know I Love Me Some Him. I won't be Sorry when I say to him I Give U My Heart because his heart will forever embrace My Heart. I will sincerely cherish The Little Things he does as Long As I Live. 

~Waking up—I Wish for a true love just like that~

Not Alone

I’m sitting here by myself

Not feeling alone

I’m sitting here by myself

Feeling full and complete

Sitting here by myself…I reminisce

Of the many moments in my time spent alone

Basking in quiet moments of solitude

Sometimes by choice—sometimes not

Sometimes feeling alone—sometimes not

In those quiet times my thoughts run random

While pondering on things specific

In those quiet moments I think of lessons learned

I think of things I wish I had done

I look forward to things that are yet to come

In those quiet moments alone…

I wish sometimes I wasn’t alone

All the while enjoying this quiet place

Soaking in the presence that fills my space

That presence is where I want to stay

It gets me through a lonely day

I look up and receive His joy

His occupation I want to employ

I spread my arms and let Him in

Receiving grace and mercy that’s flows within

He’s with me in my quiet space, therefore…

I’m sitting here by myself

Not feeling alone

I’m sitting here by myself

Feeling full and complete

Psalm of Peace

Whenever I read the 23rd Psalm

It does my heart more good than harm

I am on a path surrounded by pastures of green

Walking beside still waters flowing in a stream

There’s something behind me of which I have no fear

It’s goodness and mercy

I draw them near

When I feel I am not able

Before me my God prepares a table

A table that supplies all I need

From His daily bread my soul does feed

I bask in His courage everyday

He keeps my enemies faraway

In His house I will forever dwell

Living in comfort knowing all is well

I rely heavily on this psalm of peace

Knowing my struggles will some day cease

Who Am I

In the autumn of my existence

I’m a golden leaf hanging from a brown tree

Surviving in a sea of red

With clouds of blue swirling above my head

Rowing on the waves of life

Pushing forward going backwards

Trying to find the right stride

That propels me to push back and move forward

In my prime I’m looking up

Reaching for apples of gold from a basket of silver

Resting on the one who shaped the mountains and stirs the wind

Embracing  a solace that lies within 

Running this race with a blinding speed of vision

Vision that sees and knows all that needs to be seen and known—in its own time

Who am I

I am me

Not trying to be who you think I should be

But being the one I was created to be—in my own way

In my own time

Who am I

I am who I am

In Front of You

You look but you don’t see

You listen but you don’t hear

You seek and you don’t find

To see you must open your eyes

To hear you must open your ears

To find you must search diligently

Open your eyes and I will be seen

Listen with your heart and I will heard

Seek with your heart and soul I will be found

I’m right in front of you

Inside My Head

I am always in my head

It’s hard for me to relate

People can’t see what’s going on inside of me

Sitting alone in my room doing nothing

While inside of my head I’m doing something

It’s a quiet place that makes a lot of noise

Noise that only I can hear

A place for me to escape

Where thoughts come and thoughts go

Trying hard to keep life on an even flow

Seeing things from a heart point of view

Giving me clarity on what I should do

What’s up, what’s down

What makes my world go round

Is it wrong to live inside my head…

Reminiscing on things once said

Flushing out the negative

Inviting in the positive

Being true to myself

Finding out who I am

What I want to be

Who I have become…

Inside my head things aren’t always clear

I look up and draw His spirit near
Then I began to see His power working inside my head

Imparting thoughts that will one day be printed and widely read