https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsj-C2f6zxg
This song became the
anthem of my heart this morning. It epitomizes my thoughts and feelings
right now.
(I do not own the rights to this song but pay homage to the Artist: Eric Lige)
Nov 19, 2024
at 8:59AM
I am spirit
I am light
Ready to stand
And battle this fight
I am bold
I am strong
Thankful the word of God
Never leaves me alone
Nov 17, 2024 at 4:08AM
Why so downcast oh my soul
Look up and let the good times
roll
When I catch this thing pulling me
down
I don’t just sit around
I allow the melodies from
heaven
To lift me up
Flow in and fill my serenity cup
Saturate me with God’s graceful
love
Enclosing me like a comforting
glove
Peace flowing in—on the wings of a
dove
The best feeling you could ever
speak of
Thank You Lord for creating music!
Nov 18, 2024 at 9:04AM
For such a time as this
It is what it is but it’s not what
it seems
While I wait for this to be over
I’m going to keep dreaming my
dreams
They keep my feelings off the
floor
And usher me through God’s open
door
Can’t wait to see what’s waiting
for me
Nov 18, 2024 at 3:22PM
I see Him
Astonishing how I can go through the day like a normal
regular day. As regular and normal as multitasking and forgetting some of the
tasks (like forgetting I’m doing laundry), and even forgetting the c-word has
entered my life; and it seems like everything is kosher.
Then I settle down, and I’m assaulted with an emotional
memory that tries to pull me down. That’s when I take a deep breath, let it out
and tell myself through the nervousness in my stomach you have a battle to
fight and only the strong survive. Not strength in myself but strength in Phil.
4:13, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me…and I make it
through the moment.
That’s what happens in this wait mode.
Vanessa, remember they that wait upon the Lord shall renew
their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and
not get weary, they will walk and not faint.
I can do this…
(I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…)
Nov 15, 2024 at 9:18PM
In the REM hours of sleep I am walking towards the top of
some stairs where there is a toddler sized child at the bottom of the stairs
struggling on the ground that had been severely beaten. A lady picked him up to
help him and was told to put him down, she did. As I approached, I was
horrified to see no one helping the baby. They were smiling as they
watched him struggle. I couldn’t take it anymore and was going to go pick him
up. Then I noticed the lady standing beside me, it was Shanice, at this point
it was just me and her. She didn’t look at me but kept watching the baby with a
serene smile on her face, she lightly touched my arm and said no don’t pick him up. I
couldn’t understand why but I didn’t go down the stairs and pick him up. As we
stood there watching I imagined myself picking him up hugging him and taking
him to the hospital, where he eventually died. Shanice and I were still
standing there looking down at the struggling child…and I began to smile; then
I woke up…
As I was opening my eyes, I could still see the struggling
baby; becoming more awake I was wondering why I couldn’t help him, and why were
we smiling at such a horrific sight.
The answer came: that baby was cancer coming in the form of a child, a deception of the enemy so you would pick it up, love it and care for it. It was beaten up by the many men and women who have been in battle with it. If you had picked it up, embraced it, and helped it, you would become one of the many that didn’t bravely survive it. Because you didn’t embrace it…you will stand with the brave survivors.
Now fully awake…I sit up and go WOW!! THANK YOU LORD!! 🙌🏽
Nov 15, 2024 at 10:31AM
Nov 15, 2024 at 12:21PM
I’ve been in wait mode
Waiting for the results
Waiting for the PCP
consultation
Waiting for the call from the
oncologist (that finally came today)
It’s getting close
When it was far away
At times it didn’t feel real
I could sometimes forget about it in the moments when I
wasn’t thinking about it
Now that I have an appointment with an oncologist the day
before Thanksgiving
Real is sinking in
What am I getting into…what am I waiting for
Nov 14, 2024 at 7:05PM
Your heart is like a vacant room when familiar voices are
silent
…Even strength feels alone
Nov 11, 2024 at 8:06AM
Then God brings along a voice you really needed to hear—one
that fills your heart with hope and love
…and won’t disappear
Nov 11, 2024 at 11:10AM
A song lyric asks where is your place of peace…my place of
peace is in the healing hands of Jesus
Nov 13, 2024 at 10:40AM
His grace surrounds me like the warmth of a lavender bubble
bath mixed with soothing chamomile. The relaxing effects last for a long
while
Nov 13, 2024 at 1:31PM
I often say I have mastered the art of relaxation… and I
have; now here comes a hiccup. I will not allow it to become a trip up. It will
not wreck my flow because I know where to go
Nov 13, 2024 at 2:03PM
I have my place of peace where the voices of the enemy must
cease
Nov 13, 2024 at 2:19PM
As I’m trying to read, floaters are drifting all over the
page bringing to realization that the problems with my eyes have taken a back
seat to the big Goliath in my breast. They are both poised to wreak my peace. I
say to both…your lifespans in my life have a short lease.
Nov 13, 2024 at 2:23PM
Being an avid music lover, I am thrilled to discover a new
artist with a dynamic voice that stands out from the rest; and mystified when I
realize they are not new…they just didn’t cross my radar.
During the days of Star Search I remember watching a little
girl with a big voice singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow and rooting for
her to win (which she did); didn’t recall her name and like most of us little
kids with big voices slip into the background of our listening experiences.
Mainly because what type of music would appeal to adults from a little kid with
a big voice. I am also a lover of ice skating, so when Disney on Ice graced my screen
back in the day, I was transfixed. In the Wizard of Oz segment there was a young
woman singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow with the most dynamic vocals a
music lover’s ears want to hear. I didn’t know who she was but was enthralled with her rendition of the song. Had the internet been then what it is today, I would
have googled her and found out who she was.
Fast forward to today I am watching an Unsung segment featuring
the husband of one of my favorite gospel singers. He is a Grammy award winning
producer and started producing music at a young age. They showcased several
artists he produced; one was a young lady with vocals that matched Whitney Houston
and dance moves on par with Janet Jackson. When they showed her interview
talking about working with him, I didn’t recognize her, she was much older in
the interview than she was in the video. I did take note of her name, Shanice.
Now that google is around, I could find out who this dynamic singer was(is). To
my surprise she turned out to be the little girl from Star Search and the young
woman from Disney on Ice. I was floored and wondered why she didn’t cross my
radar in the 90s when she was at the height of her career. Assessing my musical
life during that time I was totally into music that fed my deep desire to grow
closer to God. Unfortunately, Shanice was not singing in that genre; and
because the music industry is fickle and cutthroat, she received a raw deal and
did not gain the same notoriety as Whitney and Janet, resulting in a dynamic vocalist
fading into obscurity (creating a loss for music listeners in my opinion).
As I learned more about her, I discovered she was married to
an actor whose tv show I watched every week, and that was her singing the theme
song to his show called One on One. The two of them had their ups and
downs in the industry and created a reality show called Flex and Shanice to
tell their story of how they survived the storm together giving God the glory.
They have a fascinating love story and marriage.
Why is Shanice significant to me? When you watch videos on YouTube, they track what you watch, and you get similar vids in your feed. On the day I received a cancer diagnosis a video of Shanice pops up…not the usual music related content I normally get but an interview of her appearing on Good Morning America the day before I saw this one; she was there not to sing but to share her survival with breast cancer surgery in May and June of this year. When she revealed the type of cancer she had I realized I did not know what type I was diagnosed with. I read the report I received from the imaging center, and it was the same type she had. Unfortunately, I share her skirmish with mammograms and her reason for not getting regular checkups. Hearing her story of mammogram struggles and survival with the same type of cancer I am going to survive, and on the same day I receive the news, with an admonition that it is not a death sentence gave me my first ray of hope.
How many of you know discovering her and that video popping up in my
feed was not a coincidence…
Nov 11, 2024 at 4:24PM
For once in my life I feel like my faith is bigger than a
mustard seed
So why do I feel like I want to cry
The river is raging
But the flood gates won’t open
The tears are there but they won’t flow
I wonder why…
If I cry
Will I have a soft place to fall
Will I recover if I cry all alone
I want to stay strong and appear that way
I believe I’m going to live and not die
So why would I cry
I walk in strengthen faith every day
Seek God’s face and constantly pray
Lord help me to keep my smile
Remembering I’m Your anointed child
For You I carry my lamp filled with oil
While I travel through this cancerous toil
I have no fear—it’s defeated by faith
Court is in session and I’m winning my case
I know I’m not alone as I run this race
While tears clean the windows of your soul
It’s praise that keeps me brave—and bold
So crying…stay in your rightful place
Nov 10, 2024 at 10:40AM
I finally cried… they were tears of relief when I knew that
I would not have to brave it alone.
Especially after finding out I skipped over the invasive
part of the diagnosis. God sheltered me from the hardest part in the beginning
of the storm so I could muster up faith bigger than a mustard seed.
Nov 11, 2024 at 10:33AM
With interlocked fingers I place them on my chest rebuking the cancer invading my breast letting it know you are treading on protected territory
I am a warrior living out God’s great story!
Nov 11, 2024 at 11:02AM l
Standing in the window carrying something no one wants to
hold
While holding onto the greatest story ever told
Nov 11, 2024 at 12:09PM
With folded hands I fast and pray
Thanking you Lord You have taken it away
Nov 11, 2024 at 12:20PM
I walk
I dance
I recall Your story
My heart sings
As I give You the glory
Nov 11, 2024 at 12:27PM
It is no coincidence
I read this today…
 |
I equate Goliath to
this cancer they say I have. Like David I am preparing for the battle by
trusting God.
Nov 6, 2024 at
12:15PM
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My devotion the other day was about David’s battle with Goliath. No one thought he could defeat the giant. David had prepared his whole life for this moment by slaying lions and bears (which are big battles); probably not knowing he was preparing for an even bigger battle.
Physically he’d faced tough enemies and triumphed. Spiritually…David had prepared for Goliath by trusting God to protect him in every tough fight. Thus, he knew what neither Saul nor Goliath understood: Those who trust God always win.
Defeated not by telling faith and preparation to be
seated
As a shepherd boy David prepared for his battle
Faith and preparation kept him in the saddle
At the end of the day it was Goliath that was rattled
He misjudged his small adversarial foe
And quickly lost his battle from head to toe
A shot to the head sent him to the ground
With a fall that made a deafening sound
The power of David wasn’t in the rock shot from his
sling
It was in preparing for the power trusting in God will
bring
As I seek to defeat this cancerous foe
I carry trust and preparation faithfully in tow
Being
a butterfly lover, I often receive butterflies from friends and family,
sometimes with inspirational quotes. I can’t recall when I received this one or
who sent it to me. I saved it in my collection and was coincidentally drawn to
it after I received the diagnosis I didn’t want to hear. Many times, I’ve heard
there are no coincidences with God…my coming across this inspirational
butterfly was no coincidence; it was however, my God telling me who I am in Him
and my wings as a butterfly resting in a storm will soar once again.
I made this the cover of my notebook entitled Triumphant
Battle where I am writing my moment-by-moment fluctuating thoughts and emotions in this
journey. When I selected it, I felt the warmth of God’s touch…the quote
admonishing me I will make it through this storm…and the monarch reminding me
He is always with me.Thank You and you for soaring with me!
I love You Lord and I thank you for my journey
Father God, this has been a rough week of medical diagnosis
for my breast and my eyes.
I thank You that the results from the biopsy will show no
more signs of calcification. They are totally cancer free. I thank You that the
damage to my optic nerve will be undamaged; the things I have lost vision wise
will be restored and the macular degeneration will cease. Lord, You are a
healer and a restorer. Thank You for restoring what the worm has eaten and give
me a testimony to tell of Your wondrous works. In the name of Jesus! Amen!
Oct 26, 2024 at 1:12PM
God gave me a gift tonight
As He held my fragile feelings in His hands
Whispering it’s going to be alright
He gave me His heart wrapped in love
With this gift I immerse myself in the peace that transcends
all things that go wrong
Thankful it is a gift that smothers the longing for
perfection amidst the complex things that life brings
Perfection is not an entity that dwells in our earthly
reality
Things go wrong
When they do we seek answers to the question why
The truth of the why is a reality we are hard pressed to
deny
Perfection is not wrapped in silver linings and presented on
leaves of gold
Imperfection is real and health is fragile
When it’s good it lifts us up
When it’s bad it tears us down
Sending our countenance tumbling to the ground
Drowning in a frown—grappling with the pain of what went
wrong
As I grapple Lord—open my eyes to receive the gift of
healing that’s wrapped in Your love
Train them to look up and see—that You are good
If suffering precedes the healing help me remember—I can
revel in a remedy that wraps me in protective arms allowing me to
float on a sea of turbulent calm
Sustaining…surviving—while love unfurls the gift that
encircles the pain
Like the beauty of a golden chain
Your heart of love is Your gift to me in this season of
hearing what I don’t want to hear—as You teach me NOT to walk in fear
I take this moment I’m in right now and walk triumphantly
through
Giving ALL my deepening praise to You
Moments only last for a season
And in all things You have a reason
For every mountain You brought me over
You have given me a gift
For every valley You have brought me through
You have given me a gift
For this gift—I am grateful
Life doesn’t always give us what we want
When it doesn’t—we must learn how to find happiness and
peace in what we have
What we have is the gift of God’s heart
Wrapped in His love
Oct 27, 2024 at 10:26PM
Lord, there are mountains and valleys in the political realm
and health wise. Father, my prayer is that You remove the mountains. They say
what is lost and damaged in the eyes cannot be restored. Father, I know what
man cannot do You can. If You can raise the dead, You can heal a damaged optic
nerve, it is in a lesser state than death and with You all things are possible.
You can make the impossible possible. That is the power of Your name and Your
will. If You will it to be done—it shall he done! They are calling for an
appointment with radiology, at the moment, I don’t know what that means. My
first thought is the c-word. There are one of two things that will happen with
these mountains: You will move them, or You will take me over them. My
preference is they be moved. How I would love to testify to receiving what they
said couldn’t be done. With You all things are possible! Thank You Father for
working in my life. Thank You that Your will be done. I don’t want to drink
from the bitter cup of going through the process of surviving the c; I want to
testify to the supernatural removal of it in Jesus’ name!
Father God, our country, The United States of America is in
a sad state right now. We are on the verge of the most detrimental election in
my lifetime. Lord, either the candidate that can get this country back on track
will win or the one that will lead us deeper into the wilderness will win. I
don’t know which is which. Both sides think their candidate is the one that
will make us prosperous. Father, I don’t have much confidence in either one.
This I do know whichever one takes the Oval Office You are in control and those
that seek You and follow Your statues will survive the turmoil. Thank You Lord
that Your saints will rise up and not falter in this battle; for we wrestle not
with flesh and blood but spiritual wickedness in high places. Thank You that
Your mighty hand is stretched across this nation and Your Will—will be done in
the MIGHTY NAME of JESUS!! Amen.
🎶For every mountain You
brought of over. For every trial You’ve seen me through…🎶
Oct 28, 2024 at 9:24AM
Sitting in a small office I heard what I didn’t want to hear
What do you do when you hear someone say you have cancer
Do you smile and gird yourself up because you know God is in
control—or do you cry
Me…I took a breath and listened with my head slightly
reeling
Fought back the tear that welled in my right eye as I tried
to take in what I was hearing
As I walked out the door a gentle breeze carried me to my
car where I sat and let the tears fall
Amazing how tears can fall and you are not crying
As I wiped the tears away I told the devil he was a liar
With a pensive countenance I didn’t smile
In quiet courage I knew God was in control
I started my car and pulled away in quiet resolve…singing
with Lisa Page Brooks:
🎶the devil is a liar, yah
yah yah yah—victory is mine YEAH…yah yah yah yah🎶
Nov 1, 2024 at 4:19PM
Today
I want to run
I want to scream
I want to cry
But most if all…
I need You Lord!
And I won’t ask the inevitable—why
I need to hear Your voice telling me how I can clear my
insides of what I don’t want to feel
My deepest desire is to shout—I am HEALED!
You can do all things when we ask in Your name
You healed the blind man
Please for me—do the same
Nov 2, 2024 at 9:30AM
I walk
I sing
I pray
This prevailing feeling Lord…please take it away
A depression I don’t want to feel
Feeling joy would make what I want to become more real
Surround this feeling that’s trying to take me down
With the fruits of Your spirit as they embrace me all
around
When I hear Your voice—in Your will I will rejoice
Nov 2, 2024 at 11:14AM
When depression overtakes you, you sometimes want to die
Leave this earth and soar beyond the sky
In Your heart you want Jesus to reign
You find solace in the words "to live is Christ to die
is gain"
You focus on the dying
For in that you would no longer feel the pain
A gentle voice reminds you…though dying is a gain—focus on
the living
That’s where you bring honor to My name
Nov 2, 2024 at 11:39AM
Here I lay with scriptural music on my chest
Covering the cancer they say is in my breast
Scriptural music speaking life to my bones
Saying cancer leave me alone
You have no place in my life
Be gone with your misery and your strife
Cancer…my faith you won’t rattle
I’m ready to fight this ensuing battle
Cancer…leave me alone
In this body you have no home
So cancer…be gone
And take with you this annoying hematoma; you
won’t invade this fragrant spiritual aroma…that is filling my place and
putting a smile on my face
So cancer…just…be gone
Nov 5, 2024 at 9:11AM
At this moment…
I’m trying to catch up with myself in where I am with all of
this
Sometimes a wave of emotions hit me in the pit of my stomach
with a gravity that could be overwhelming…if I let it
I meet that feeling head on and let it ride its way out of
my spirit and soul
Then I return to the faith that is growing inside of me in
spite of what is and what could be
Nov 5, 2024 at 3:48PM
I believe I have supernatural victory over cancer in Jesus’
name!! A large part of His ministry was healing…He hasn’t changed!
Nov 6, 2024 at 10:01AM
Temptation comes to everyone. When it comes it tests your
faith…if you have none the test is hard.
Nov 6, 2024 at 10:14AM
Good and evil exist in the world. Evil can be a catalyst for
suffering. God never promised us we wouldn’t suffer…He promised us He would be
with us through the suffering. Thank You Father for being there…always showing
me how much You really care.
Nov 6, 2024 at 10:16AM
