Kelly Clarkson's Apology

Using the scripture reference James 3:2-13, Betty Miller of bible.com penned the following:

“These words from James tell us that we can bless or curse with our tongues and that the root of our mouth problems is a heart problem. What is in our heart, will come out of our mouths. The only way we are going to overcome our heart problems is to give our heart to Jesus and allow Him to cleanse it, then we will bless others and use our mouths to speak wisdom and kind things. We have all said things that we wish we had not spoken. When this happens, the only way to make things right is to apologize and admit that what we said was wrong. Even though this is hard, we will have more respect, than if we refuse to admit we were wrong and allow pride to rule us.”

If these words ring true, then why on my regular perusal of music message boards and blogs am I reading many of the posters and writers no longer have respect for Kelly Clarkson since she or her people made the statement on her websites? In today’s society where "right is wrong and wrong is glorified" I shouldn’t be surprised that a lot of people see her apology as a sign of weakness and “giving in” instead of strength.

After Kelly spoke from her mouth what was in her heart, whether right or wrong, about the predicament she found herself in— what was the next step? She received scrutiny and praises for her stand against the music industry, and then the same for her apology. Whatever she did was going to equal more hot water for her. She clearly put herself in a situation hard to win. Once again she chose to take the high road. Whether she truly wished she had not said the things she said about the record executives will probably remain a mystery since we cannot see her true heart—only God can, and He is the only one she has to answer to.

Betty continues with a commentary on Proverbs 21:24 as follows:

“Verse 24 in our study today, tells us that a scoffer, who is proud and haughty, will also be an angry and over-bearing person. No one likes a person who is over-bearing and pushy. We must ask God to change us if we tend to have a demeaning and controlling attitude toward others. The Bible tells us that the Lord resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. May we all humble ourselves before God.”

Does this verse describe Kelly or the record executives? What people think of her apology will remain debatable, until the next scandal comes along for them to debate and write about. My prayer is that she made things right in her heart with the one that really matters.

I always join Betty in her prayer for the day:

“Dear Heavenly Father, I am thankful for Your grace and mercy toward me. I need help in the area of guarding my lips. Lord, give me the grace to keep my mouth shut when I should not speak, and give me the holy boldness to speak up when I need to do so, without fearing what others will think about me. May I be a person who blesses others and not one who curses others with a negative confession about them. Cleanse my heart, oh Lord, so that I will not even want to speak evil or bad things. I humble myself before You, Lord, and ask for a meek and lowly spirit like Jesus, our Saviour, has. In His name I pray. Amen.”

The Good Ol' Days

Television viewing in recent years has become a boring venture. I grew weary of watching illicit sex, crime, violence and the eerie supernatural long ago. Now reality shows are infiltrating the tubes in droves and getting out of hand. Occasionally, a station will replay a movie I like but I get frustrated with the annoying commercial interruptions.

Thank Goodness for the VCR and the DVD, when I need good clean entertainment my collection never fails to deliver. Doris Day was one of my favorite actresses in the 60s. You could always count on her for a good laugh and a heartwarming cry. I have 36 of the 38 movies she made so I am never at a loss for a good nostalgic flick.

Funny how watching a movie from back in the day can bring back so many memories, make you laugh out loud, even more so make you sentimental and melancholy when a scene reminds you of a similar life experience. Calamity Jane, starring Doris Day and Howard Keel, did that for me today; a rip-roaring, (not meant to be) romantic, western comedy.

Before I get into the melancholy I have to point out “the walk”. I mentioned Denzel Washington’s walk in my last post…hey y’all, before Denzel there was Howard Keel, when he walks into the saloon to gaze at Katie Brown’s portrait… oo-lah lah! Denzel must have taken lessons from him. I’ll say it again…oo-lah lah, no, oo oo lah LAH!

My Secret Love
The tender beauty in the movie was Doris (Calamity Jane) and Howard (Wild Bill Hickock) realizing they were not just best friends but actually, albeit secretly, loved each other. The strange beauty lie in the fact that it was also a secret to them until a jealous triangle brought it to light. Doris very eloquently shouted it from the mountaintops in the beautiful song My Secret Love.

I was reminded of a conversation I had with a friend that couldn’t understand how you can not know you love someone. My response was…you can’t, unless you experience it—like I did.

He was my best friend, we had fun together. I could tell him anything. We looked forward to seeing each other in church and hanging out afterwards. We took long drives together enjoying music. Sat on beach cliffs watching the sunset and cuddled watching cheesy movies that made you laugh and made you cry. He didn’t have “the walk” but he had everything else. He was everything I dreamed of. I didn’t realize how much he meant to me until our longest drive up the coast of California from San Diego to San Francisco. I began to feel more than friendship the night I introduced him to Maid to Order and he introduced me to Dirty Dancing. He sealed the deal the night he pulled out a saxophone and squeaked through Joy to the World. I was now smitten.

My Dilemma
How do we move from friendship to "loveship"? Would our transition be as smooth as Calamity Jane and Wild Bill’s? It’s funny, now that my heart was floating in a sea of love he had somehow developed “the Denzel/Howard walk” and I loved watching him walk away. With every departure I couldn’t wait for the day we would have a heart to heart talk about our developing relationship. That time would come the night I was packing to return to my home state. He came over to tell me how much he was going to miss his buddy. I took this as a great opportunity to share with him my developing feelings. To my dismay and heartbroken disbelief we did not have a Calamity Jane/Wild Bill Hickock transition. It was in this moment of truth I learned that for him, it would forever remain platonic.

How did I overcome? Well…it wasn’t easy, but I did, and I did it without hating him. How could I, he never promised me anything or crossed any lines, I did. I crossed when I wanted more than friendship. He was very gracious in the handling of my feelings, which made me love him even more. My Secret Love forever remained my secret—until now.

A movie from the good ol’ days led to remembering a good ol’ friend.

Why Do Some Men...

find it necessary to hide their wives—not in a literal sense, but hiding her by not revealing his connection in marital bliss?

He was very easy on the eye, the muscles popping through his shirt were breathtaking and he had a smile to match. His easygoing manner made you want to sit and talk to him everyday—and that Denzel Washington walk—you just stared, somehow glad he was leaving you behind yet wanting to walk with him. He gave a persona of being open and was sending an electrifying invitation. My female-ticker was getting excited anticipating his availability.

However, being the cautious person I am, I sit back, listen and observe waiting for him to show his character. It is times like this I am glad I have a cautious nature. His every move and conversation said I’m available, but overhearing a conversation revealed a truth his glance toward me didn’t want me to know. His downward look spoke more volumes than the words—my wife.

Being a single woman I am always going to look and wonder when a new male prospect comes into the workplace. If I didn’t I would know for sure death’s door was nearby. Prior to “Mr. Muscle with the congenial aire” my female ticker went into action when another set of muscles came on the scene and I went through the usual wonderings. There is, however, a stark difference in the encounters. What sets this experience apart from the aforementioned was his upfront admittance of marital bliss, so much so I wanted to slap him every time he blatantly threw it in my face. He got a joy out of saying—my wife. I now see he had a perception I’m ashamed to admit he picked up on. He was protecting his wife and letting me know he was not available.

In retrospect, I have a respect for Mr. My Wife that is unparallel to Mr. Congenial Muscles. Why didn’t he reveal his marital status? Did my observant nature wait and see his true character revealed? Or maybe his marital bliss is a marital miss. Whatever the case—why do some men hide their wives?

Musical Snobs

Being an avid music fan I read a lot of music message boards and blogs. I rarely comment on them because I think taste in music is relative. But sometimes what I read I just can't hold my peace.

Recently, I've been following Kelly Clarkson very closely. I think she has a purpose in the music industry that one day will manifest itself, it may well be on its way to happening with her new album My December.

I entitled this entry "Musical Snobs" because that's the feel I get sometimes as I read a review, aka an opinion, by music critics and music fans. This morning I stumbled across this site: (http://www.avclub.com/content/home) with a review of Kelly's album. After reading it and some of the comments that followed my fingers went into high gear in the comments section. I'll share my thoughts I left there...

I don't get why rock fans think if it isn't rock it isn't good. Critics and some music fans think if you didn't have to beg, scratch and be a poor starving artist to get into the music industry you have no credibility.

Credibility my foot! If the music sounds good I don't care what genre it is and how you got into the business I'm going to listen to it. There are a lot of artist out there that came into the business the "right way", whatever that is, and have zero talent. So what if Kelly Clarkson gained instant fame from some stupid talent show, does that negate her talent. The lyrics to Since U Been Gone were trivial and trite, it was the vocal agility of her performances that made the song.

I like good music whether it's indie, soul, classical, rock (which I mostly don't like), country (which I can only take so much of), pop (which I mostly don't like), jazz (which I love), gospel (which I adore), hip hop (which I hate), latino, reggae or any other genre you name, if the music arrangement is good and the vocals are slamming I'm going to listen. The artist can crawl into the business or drop in from a hot air balloon I don't give a flying flip! If they make an album that I enjoy listening to the rest is moot.

I'd say my feathers were a little ruffled.

A Lesson in Forgiveness

Recently, I went through an amazing experience in forgiveness. When my pastor started a series entitled "Forgiveness, The Real 'F' Word", I was a little nervous. Since my father's death people were constantly reminding me I need to forgive the man that killed him. Intellectually I knew this, but deep down in all I wanted was for him to die and go to hell like he deserved.

The second message in the series brought me to deep heartwrenching tears. He said several things that Sunday that made my insides start to rumble, toward the end of the message he admonished us to ask the person that has wronged us what do they owe you...I thought, "he owes me my daddy's life...he can't give me that back". My heart swelled and an emotional dam broke.

At the end of the service I cried all the way to the altar. My pastor came down and asked what's wrong. I said, how am I supposed to forgive the man that murdered my father? He looked me in the eye and said, “I don't know, but I know you can do it”. He gave me lots of comfort and advice, but of all the things he said to me the one that struck me the most was, "you forgive him for you" and that forgiving him would help me through the pain. He asked me if I willing to forgive. At first I hesitated, but remembering in his message he said in unforgiveness you can become an enemy of God. I had lived in so much turmoil and bitterness over this and didn't want to keep hurting, I definitely didn't want to be an enemy of God, so I said yes. He told me to pray...it was hard but I did, then he prayed.

I left church that Sunday feeling numb, tired and emotionally drained. I didn't make it to church the next two Sundays but over the course of the two weeks I had slowly began to worship God again...intimately, which I hadn't done in five years. I found myself picking up my bible more and reading without the anger of thinking His words didn't apply to me.

The Sunday I made it back to church was the most awesome experience in worship I had experienced in a long, long time! I felt like I was in the heavenlies...in the very throne room of God. I felt a change in my spirit and knew God was working in my heart. As Pastor Rick continued his message about forgiveness I knew I had forgiven that man, I also forgave my brother that I was angry with for over a year. I felt so light! It was amazing! At the end of the service I had to go tell Pastor Rick how I felt. He said he spotted me during worship and I looked like I was lit up, I said I was! He was so overjoyed with my testimony he had it videotaped and played it during his last message in the series.

One thing I've learned about myself is that during my waking hours while I'm still lying in bed I pray from my heart, when I get up to pray I pray from my head...one morning in the following week as I lay in bed waking up I began to pray for that man's salvation, I prayed that God would bring him peace, at that moment I felt an overwhelming insurmountable peace come over me. One of the things Pastor Rick said was if you pray for the person you find peace and rest. I can attest to that. I have been smiling ever since. In my testimony I said the first time I went to the altar I couldn't see past my tears, the second time I went I couldn't see past my smile. Forgiveness is not easy, it is a process...but it can be done.

God moved in my heart in the midst of worship and I feel so free! As I said at the end of my testimony...forgiveness feels good!

Whose World Is It

As I approached a traffic light one day a driver at the intersection to my left was fixing her hair among other things. When the light changed she continued her tasks and slowly pulled off causing the third car behind her to miss the light. Unfortunate for me I ended up being the second car behind her at the next light. I could see her still moving around and not paying attention to the light when it changed and you guessed it, I missed the light. As I sat there waiting for it to change, again, these thoughts came to me...

It’s all about me; I do what I want whenever and wherever I want, says Selfish.

It’s your world, I just live in it, says Cynical.

The world belongs to those who take it by force, says Aggressive.

It’s my world, no one does it better than me, says Conceited.

It’s my Father’s world, we’re just passing through, says Spiritual.

It’s a terrible world, nothing good ever happens, says Pessimist.

Things always look better in the morning, says Optimist.

It’s my world, I created it. Just like I created you in my own image and gave you a free will to live as you desire, says—Guess Who…