A Lesson in Forgiveness

Recently, I went through an amazing experience in forgiveness. When my pastor started a series entitled "Forgiveness, The Real 'F' Word", I was a little nervous. Since my father's death people were constantly reminding me I need to forgive the man that killed him. Intellectually I knew this, but deep down in all I wanted was for him to die and go to hell like he deserved.

The second message in the series brought me to deep heartwrenching tears. He said several things that Sunday that made my insides start to rumble, toward the end of the message he admonished us to ask the person that has wronged us what do they owe you...I thought, "he owes me my daddy's life...he can't give me that back". My heart swelled and an emotional dam broke.

At the end of the service I cried all the way to the altar. My pastor came down and asked what's wrong. I said, how am I supposed to forgive the man that murdered my father? He looked me in the eye and said, “I don't know, but I know you can do it”. He gave me lots of comfort and advice, but of all the things he said to me the one that struck me the most was, "you forgive him for you" and that forgiving him would help me through the pain. He asked me if I willing to forgive. At first I hesitated, but remembering in his message he said in unforgiveness you can become an enemy of God. I had lived in so much turmoil and bitterness over this and didn't want to keep hurting, I definitely didn't want to be an enemy of God, so I said yes. He told me to pray...it was hard but I did, then he prayed.

I left church that Sunday feeling numb, tired and emotionally drained. I didn't make it to church the next two Sundays but over the course of the two weeks I had slowly began to worship God again...intimately, which I hadn't done in five years. I found myself picking up my bible more and reading without the anger of thinking His words didn't apply to me.

The Sunday I made it back to church was the most awesome experience in worship I had experienced in a long, long time! I felt like I was in the heavenlies...in the very throne room of God. I felt a change in my spirit and knew God was working in my heart. As Pastor Rick continued his message about forgiveness I knew I had forgiven that man, I also forgave my brother that I was angry with for over a year. I felt so light! It was amazing! At the end of the service I had to go tell Pastor Rick how I felt. He said he spotted me during worship and I looked like I was lit up, I said I was! He was so overjoyed with my testimony he had it videotaped and played it during his last message in the series.

One thing I've learned about myself is that during my waking hours while I'm still lying in bed I pray from my heart, when I get up to pray I pray from my head...one morning in the following week as I lay in bed waking up I began to pray for that man's salvation, I prayed that God would bring him peace, at that moment I felt an overwhelming insurmountable peace come over me. One of the things Pastor Rick said was if you pray for the person you find peace and rest. I can attest to that. I have been smiling ever since. In my testimony I said the first time I went to the altar I couldn't see past my tears, the second time I went I couldn't see past my smile. Forgiveness is not easy, it is a process...but it can be done.

God moved in my heart in the midst of worship and I feel so free! As I said at the end of my testimony...forgiveness feels good!